Sexual fantasies are a powerful part of our inner world—revealing hidden desires, emotional needs, and the psychological narratives that shape our identities. Far from being taboo or shameful, these fantasies offer insight into how we relate to trust, power, validation, intimacy, and even ourselves. We've asked our community on Instagram about their deepest sexual fantasies and here's what we learned. 

By Hillana Micolas

Submission fantasies are among the most common sexual fantasies, especially for women but also men. Far from being pathological, these fantasies are a normal part of sexual imagination and can serve many healthy psychological functions.

Research shows that this type of fantasies can boost arousal and satisfaction, when they match personal preferences and are consensual. These are often about safely exploring trust and excitement, not real powerlessness. To practice these fantasies, it’s essential to have clear boundaries, open discussion, and strong mutual respect and trust with your partner. Many women report more positive attitudes toward sex and greater satisfaction when their desires are respected.

Psychologists suggest that such fantasies may also help people process feelings about power, control, and vulnerability in a safe, imaginative space. Importantly, having these fantasies is common and healthy—they reflect the diversity and complexity of human sexuality.

Fantasies about having sex with a boss are especially common because they combine several powerful psychological themes: power, authority, taboo, and desire. Research shows that authority figures often appear in sexual fantasies because they represent dominance, control, or status—elements that can heighten excitement and arousal.

The forbidden nature of workplace relationships adds to the thrill, as taboo scenarios are known to intensify sexual interest. Fantasizing about a boss doesn’t mean you want this to happen in real life; it’s often about exploring ideas of surrender, being chosen, or breaking social rules in a safe, private way.

Studies also suggest that these fantasies can reflect underlying desires for validation, recognition, or excitement in environments where power dynamics are clear. Both men and women report fantasies involving bosses or other authority figures, showing this is a widespread and normal part of erotic imagination.

Fantasizing about sucking a penis alongside one’s wife, as a man may be a way to explore bisexual or bi-curious desires in a safe, trusting environment. Sharing the experience with a partner helps reduce shame or anxiety, and it fosters validation and shared intimacy.

Crossing boundaries together can deepen connection, transforming a private desire into a mutual journey. Including the wife often reflects a need for acceptance and emotional closeness, while also allowing exploration of power dynamics, gender roles, submission and vulnerability as new forms of intimacy within the relationship.

This fantasy often relates to candaulism, where one partner derives excitement from sharing or exposing their partner’s sexuality to others. It also taps into the thrill of voyeuristic excitement.

Additionally, some experience compersion—finding pleasure in their partner’s happiness and satisfaction, even if it involves another person. This feeling is rooted in empathy and a sense of interconnectedness: when your partner thrives, you feel uplifted too. Psychological theories like the broaden-and-build and self-expansion models explain compersion as a product of positive emotions that deepen bonds, increase self-other overlap, and foster a sense of oneness.

Such fantasies are normal and don’t harm relationships unless acted on without communication and consent.

Pegging—the anal penetration of a man by a woman using a strap-on—stimulates the prostate, often referred to as the male G-spot. After giving their partner multiple orgasms, some fantasize about surrendering control, reversing traditional gender roles, and embracing a more vulnerable, receptive position. It allows men to release the pressure of performance, focus solely on sensation, and explore parts of themselves often repressed by conventional masculinity.

Fantasizing about devotion to a dominant woman adds depth—fulfillment comes from pleasing her, serving her desires, and embracing her authority, creating emotional reward, purpose, and connection in the relationship.

For many, the act of pegging embodies sexual reciprocity: after giving pleasure, they open themselves to receiving it. Ultimately, pegging becomes more than a physical act—it’s an exploration of identity, power, intimacy, and the freedom to be loved beyond rigid roles.

Fantasizing about being a bull—an outsider having sex with a committed woman (the hotwife) while her partner (the cuckold) watches or knows—draws on strong psychological and social dynamics.

This role is linked to heightened masculinity, sexual confidence, and dominance, allowing the bull to embody a virile, desirable figure, boosting self-esteem and fulfilling fantasies of prowess. The fantasy breaks social taboos around non-monogamy and exhibitionism, with the partner’s presence adding forbidden excitement that intensifies arousal.

Being chosen as the bull can validate attractiveness and confer a sense of sexual status and privilege. The scenario often includes role play and voyeurism, enabling participants to explore power, submission, and desire within a consensual, controlled setting.

The hotwife fantasy—a woman in a committed relationship having consensual sexual encounters with other men—represents empowerment and sexual autonomy, allowing her to openly explore desires beyond traditional monogamy.

This fantasy also involves playing with social taboos around fidelity and female sexuality. For couples, the hotwife dynamic can strengthen communication, trust, and compersion—the genuine joy derived from seeing one’s partner experience pleasure—thereby deepening emotional intimacy when grounded in mutual consent and respect.

Moreover, the scenario often includes role play and power exchange, where partners consciously negotiate boundaries and desires, enabling them to explore new facets of sexuality and connection together.

Resources

1. Lehmiller, J. J. (2018): Tell Me What You Want
2. Joyal et al. (2015): What Exactly Is an Unusual Sexual Fantasy?
3. Big Think: How Sexual Fantasies Affect Your Relationship
4. SwingTowns: Exploring Hotwifing and Cuckolding

5. Psychology Today: The Psychology of Cuckolding and Hotwifing

By Hillana Micolas
Based in Nancy, France, Hillana Micolas is our social media and community manager. She has always been strongly drawn to provocative, creative and nude representations. Her passion lies in cinematography, photography and female empowerment. Follow Hillana on Instagram.